Meant To Be Page 5

  ‘Hmm,’ Barbara agreed. ‘So, shall we continue?’ she asked, nodding at the television.

  ‘Yes, sorry about that.’

  They resumed watching the movie, but Emily was unable to totally immerse herself back into the story again. She was distracted by thoughts of Simone and her art, and a nagging within her that she couldn’t quite grasp.

  Emily didn’t know much about painting, but she liked Simone’s bold style of having a single brightly coloured bloom take up most of the space on her huge canvases. If not for the slightly raised, thick paint, some of them might have been mistaken for photographs. The gorgeous texture made you want to reach out and touch them. And she wasn’t the only one who appreciated her talent; Jake had a couple of her paintings hanging in his apartment as well. Emily had particularly loved the one of red and green chillies on a bush in his kitchen. If only she knew someone who could get her art out to a wider audience.

  She wished she could somehow return the help Simone had given her with selling her jam when she was so desperate financially. Not that Simone had known just how desperate her situation was. All she’d known was that Jake had brought back the apricot jam to Melbourne because he liked it and thought it might sell well at the markets. And it had, thanks to the gorgeous labels Simone had designed, and the scones she’d taken the trouble to make and serve with it. All without even having met her.

  If Emily hadn’t suddenly inherited everything from John, jam making could well have become her lifeline. She felt the overwhelming need to do something in return. Frustration grew inside of her, so much so that she became physically restless. Grace eventually got up from the couch with a harrumph and went to lie down on the floor.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Barbara asked.

  ‘Yeah, sorry.’ She tried to tell herself that the chance to help would arise when and in whatever way it was meant to. She just had to be patient. Jake was bound to have an idea, or at least a sensible pep talk. Meanwhile she was missing the movie.

  Just as they finished the second DVD, they heard two toots of a car horn; the signal that David was back. After gathering Barbara’s things together, they headed out. Sure enough, David’s ute was outside and Jake was walking towards the path. When Emily opened the door, a blast of hot air hit her with the intensity and dryness of an oven.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ she said. She checked her watch and was surprised to find it was almost six o’clock. ‘Quick, get into the cool ute,’ Emily urged, giving her friend a quick goodbye hug. ‘See you or speak to you soon.’

  ‘Thanks, it’s been a fun day,’ Barbara called, hurrying down the path. ‘Sorry, too hot to stop,’ she said to Jake, pecking him on the cheek on the way past.

  ‘God, it’s hot,’ Jake said, leading Emily back into the house.

  ‘You look shattered. Jake, you’re meant to be taking it easy.’

  ‘I was in an air-conditioned cab. The hum of the tractor is actually quite soothing when you’re not in charge of anything. I had a few power naps along the way. But, yes, I am feeling quite done in. Oh, and I got my test results. It took some effort to convince them to give them to me over the phone…’

  ‘And…?’

  ‘Positive. It’s official, I have adrenal fatigue. But at least I don’t need to look any further into what’s wrong with me. And I know I’ll get better. The results weren’t as bad as my GP had feared. She told me to just carry on with what I’m doing and in time I’ll be my old energetic, chipper self again.’

  ‘If you take it easy and don’t overdo it,’ Emily warned.

  ‘I love that you’re worrying about me, but I’m fine, honey, honestly,’ he said, kissing her.

  ‘Did, um, David tell you their news?’

  A huge smile burst across Jake’s face. ‘He did. Isn’t it exciting?’

  ‘Hmm. Barbara seems more scared than excited. I’m a bit worried about her.’

  ‘David seems genuinely thrilled, though he’s quite concerned about Barbara too. I can only imagine what they must be feeling. I guess all we can do is hope everything will be okay and be there for them if not.’

  ‘I guess.’ Cross that bridge if and when we get to it, as her gran would have said.

  Emily was in the kitchen when Jake came in after his shower with a towel around his waist. She smiled at his wet, mussed boyish hair sticking out in all angles. As he moved towards her she noticed the water droplets glistening on his smooth chest. He leaned down, nuzzled her ear and then started nibbling at her earlobe. Her stomach turned molten and her knees went weak.

  ‘Fancy taking advantage of my evening burst of energy?’ he whispered.

  Emily stood on quivering legs, accepted Jake’s outstretched hand, and allowed herself to be led to the bedroom.

  Chapter Five

  Each day flowed into the next and soon more than two weeks had passed since Jake’s arrival. Emily loved him being there, but was constantly concerned he was doing too much. But she had to trust that he knew his body and was listening to its needs. She didn’t want to become a nag. She was damned lucky to have him in her life, and didn’t want to put that in jeopardy.

  They had settled into an easy existence where they spent plenty of time together, but also plenty of time apart as Jake went off with David playing farmer and she did the housework. He was happy. She was happy. Most importantly, they were happy.

  When they were both home, they often made love in the late afternoon or early evening. Afterwards Emily would stay with Jake for part of his hour or so of resting. She felt so blessed to have this time together; it was so decadent. But she always left him alone after a while, and always when he disappeared into the lounge to lie quietly on the couch – accompanied by Grace. A few times she had caught herself watching him sleep, looking for signs he was doing better. Really, other than a slightly drawn, pale look about him, most people wouldn’t have known there was anything wrong.

  But Emily was beside him when the night sweats soaked the sheets. She saw the shake in his hands and the confusion and vagueness in his eyes, and knew it wasn’t the real Jake. He was making an effort, but he was certainly not the vibrant, cheery fellow who had visited her those first two times. When they were with other people he was more exuberant than when he was at home with her. She could see it took a lot of effort for him to be sociable.

  They went out to lunch with Sarah and Nathan and David and Barbara one Sunday and had a wonderful time. On the way home they’d agreed that Nathan and Sarah had looked a lot closer than mere flatmates. A few days later at the bank when Emily had signed up for an at call investment account, Nathan had admitted they were officially an item. She was glad to see her friend happy. He had promised to invite them to a dinner party at his and Sarah’s house. But a week or so on, nothing had eventuated.

  Emily wasn’t surprised. Sarah and Nathan worked full-time, so they only had the evenings and weekends together. Besides, they were in the flush of young love, just like she and Jake were. They’d get around to it eventually.

  Meanwhile, she was so grateful for this time with Jake. The heat of the South Australian summer kept them close to home, and more than once they had spent the whole day in bed. It was a charmed, wonderful existence. But she was starting to yearn for something more constructive to do with her time when Jake wasn’t around. She’d imagined he would need more taking care of, but he seemed to be doing fine. It was just a long, slow process of getting the body better.

  He was spending a lot of time with David learning how a working farm operated, and also taking plenty of gentle strolls with his camera – often over to the old cottage ruins.

  The idea that she really wanted to somehow help Simone bubbled away in the far depths of Emily’s brain, but a tangible solution still hadn’t presented itself. She was also more and more feeling the need to do something with her life. It was nice to have the means to while away her days – and she was very grateful – but it just wasn’t in her nature to be idle for long.

  One morning, Emily wa
s staring out the bedroom window, wondering what to do. Jake was out with David again, and she was at a loose end. She was standing next to the tallboy beside Gran’s button jar, where she often stood and contemplated life. She knew it was ridiculous, but she always felt better when the object was nearby. And answers quite often came to her while she was standing there. She liked to think Gran was still with her while she was close to her treasured object.

  Emily frowned. She really wished she could move the damned hayshed herself. It was such a blight on the landscape. David and Jake had discussed it, but David was still busy rolling stubble. Grace nudged her leg and she bent down to pat her briefly before returning her attention to the jar in front of her and her musings.

  ‘What I need is some purpose – a project,’ Emily said aloud, and then looked up at the ceiling. Suddenly she laughed at herself. What the hell was she expecting? A bolt of lightning and Gran’s booming voice telling her to take up knitting or something?

  Nothing happened, except that she felt a sharp, enduring stab of shame deep within her. Granny and Grandpa had been through so much, so many tough times over the years, and here she was complaining because she had plenty of money and too much time on her hands.

  ‘Come on Gracie,’ Emily called, and left the room. The guilt stayed with her as she made her way through the house to what had been John’s office and was now also home to Jake’s suitcase and laptop.

  Gran had filled any spare time she had with working for the community. Barbara had asked Emily to join CWA and, as much as she’d have enjoyed more time with her, she’d resisted. She couldn’t knit, crochet, or arrange flowers. Therefore, she argued, she was absolutely not CWA material. Though, she’d always be happy to lend a hand with baking for fundraisers.

  Perhaps driving for Meals on Wheels might be the way to go. As a child during school holidays she’d loved walking up to the door with the tray of food while Gran sat in the idling car nearby. But Gran had lived in town. Emily was a little too far out. She’d have to think about it.

  Or was it time to have a child? As the thought crossed her mind she was disappointed at how practical – how rational – it sounded. Where was the ticking biological clock, that desperate need she’d heard other women talk about? She shook her head. The time wasn’t right. It was definitely too soon for her and Jake, and, really, she needed more distance from all that had gone on in her life recently.

  While it often felt like years had passed since she’d left John and he’d had a car accident and died, the reality was that it was all very recent.

  Emily found herself wondering if Gran had felt time passing quickly or excruciatingly slowly while she lived with Alzheimer’s and was up in the hostel on the hill. The poor old dear had really just been marking time for a number of years. Which is exactly what you are doing right now. The words in her head sounded uncannily like Gran’s.

  Emily sat down at what had been John’s desk in the spare room. Jake’s laptop sat closed beside the monitor connected to her tower-style PC. The rest of the large desk was covered in paperwork. There were carefully arranged piles of bills and receipts to be filed, sheets of correspondence from the lawyers regarding the estate, bank statements, and a stack of assorted miscellaneous items she wasn’t sure how to file. She considered getting it all into the empty filing cabinets and out of sight, but she couldn’t muster any enthusiasm. She was feeling restless to do something, but admin was the last thing she felt like doing.

  She walked through to the adjoining room. It was empty except for a plain double ensemble bed covered in an old-fashioned powder blue candlewick bedspread. With its rose-patterned wall-to-wall carpet that was around nineteen forties or fifties vintage, it was a more feminine room than the office, which had carpet in an autumn leaf design – oranges, browns, and dark pinks on a plain pale grey background.

  Grace trotted in and began snuffling her way around the room.

  John never used to come in here because it was the room his grandfather had passed away in. Emily didn’t have a problem with it; if his grandfather was haunting the place, she figured he wouldn’t confine himself solely to this room, and would have surely shown signs of his presence before now. Not that she knew anything about ghosts and how they operated.

  Occasionally relatives of John’s had stayed here over the years, apparently without complaint. Now, as Emily sat staring around her looking for inspiration, she wondered if her life with John might have been better if she’d had a room of her own to indulge in some hobbies. Why hadn’t she pushed harder to get her own computer? Well, that one was obvious: John would have said it was hardly worth the expense when she’d probably only need it for the odd hour here and there. And how could she have argued with that sort of logic?

  Emily closed her eyes and tried to conjure up her perfect office space, not that she really needed an office. Though, now there was no one to tell her so, she liked the idea more and more. And anyway, she was running a business now, wasn’t she? The farm was hers – well, it would be when the probate came through and the estate was officially finalised.

  God, the thought of all it entailed made her head fuzzy. She and David had signed the agreement for the sheep, and he’d promised to take her over the farm and give her a bit of a rundown on it all when he got the chance. Meanwhile, Emily was a little embarrassed to admit that she quite liked remaining blissfully ignorant.

  Staring at the beige walls around her, she suddenly burned with inspiration and the desire to act NOW. If she could choose any colour she liked, what would it be? She looked down. The carpet was a multitude of pinks, purples and a few greens depicting foliage on a beige background. There was a great choice of colours right there in front of her, and not so many as to be overwhelming. She felt herself drawn to the pinker tones. But if she chose one, how was she then to get it translated into a paint colour? She couldn’t exactly cut out a chunk of carpet and have it matched. Ah, but I could go and get a heap of sample pots. That would be fun. She stared at the floor for a few moments, trying to commit the colour to memory.

  Emily didn’t think she’d take the carpet up even if she wasn’t in such a hurry to put her own stamp on the room. It was really quite lovely. She would give it a decent vacuum and the walls and woodwork a decent wipe-down before painting, and perhaps even get the visiting carpet-cleaning guy in next time he was in town. But for now she was off to the hardware shop to get some paint. She practically skipped out of the room in her excitement.

  A few days ago, Jake had said he wouldn’t mind checking out the shops selling antiques and bric-a-brac scattered about the district. It would be nice to go looking for something in particular, rather than just browsing aimlessly. Maybe Barbara and David could come along too. It would be great to have Barbara’s opinion and then Jake and David could chat together while she and Barbara shopped guilt-free.

  She almost pulled the car over to get out her mobile phone. No, she’d discuss it with Jake first. For all she knew he was planning to visit Whyalla and check on the project he was involved with up there. He had mentioned the need to get back up there in the next few weeks.

  Emily had been a little concerned that he was getting into work again too soon, but he’d reassured her that he was okay and taking careful note of any signs his progress might be slipping. And how could she say otherwise when his face lit up a little at the mere mention of a project or a client.

  He was so kidding himself if he thought he could take three to six months off work. A slight sadness descended on her, but she pushed it aside. He had made no mention of going back to Melbourne.

  Chapter Six

  Emily was standing in the doorway surveying her work when she heard the glass sliding door open and close.

  ‘Em? Sweetie, are you here?’

  ‘Up here in the spare room,’ she called whilst continuing to stare at the fresh paint job.

  It’s very pink, she thought. Should I have perhaps just done a feature wall?

  It was what Dor
is at the hardware store had assumed she was doing. Emily was now wondering if her comment had in fact been a hint that doing a whole room in that colour would be too much. Perhaps if she did the skirtings and door and window frames in white it would look better. But she couldn’t help feeling that it would be sacrilegious to cover up the lovely grain of the timber. Weren’t people falling over themselves to strip back the woodwork of old houses these days?

  ‘Wow! Haven’t you been busy,’ Jake said, appearing behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head on her shoulder. ‘Great colour.’

  ‘Do you think so? Honestly? I’m beginning to wonder if it’s too much.’

  ‘No way. I love it. I think when you get some more furniture in here it’ll make all the difference. You just need time to get used to it. And if you don’t, we can paint over it again. So, what is it to be – spare room, or what?’

  ‘Office-slash-whatever else I decide it is.’

  ‘I hope this isn’t a sign I’m outstaying my welcome,’ Jake said, suddenly serious.

  ‘Why would you say that?’

  ‘Well, you already have a perfectly adequate office next door.’

  ‘No, this is about me putting my stamp on the house. I love having all this time on my hands, but I think it’s sending me a little nuts. I just got a sudden urge. If I wanted that room, I would’ve asked you to move in here.’ She put her arms around him. ‘Honestly, I love having you here.’ And I don’t want you to ever leave, she added silently. ‘So you really don’t think it’s too much?’ Emily asked when they parted.

  ‘Not at all, but you will need to be careful about what window covering you end up using – to make sure the room isn’t too busy. What great carpet,’ he added, peeling the drop cloth back a bit and staring at the floor.

  ‘I was thinking of leaving the bed and just adding a desk and chair and maybe an arm or wing chair and lamp. But it’ll all depend on what’s out there and how much everything is. I don’t want to spend a fortune.’